Things I Learned from Rich People - a Day at the Auction

Went to an Auction at the Windsor Arms today...a very che che hotel in Toronto. It was a Jewelry auction comprised of antique and super expensive pieces, my friend Shirley had her eye on a couple of reasonably priced items and we ended up spending the better part of the day at the Auction and wandering around its neighbourhood, which is filled with the elite...well rich, snobby 'elite'. Here's what I learned:

1. If you are a chubby, rich, white man in your 40s or 50s you can commandeer a chair meant for an elderly person because you are clearly the most important person alive

2. If you're rich you can wear the same zebra print Manolo Blahnik shoes that Carrie wore in to a jewelry auction in the Sex and the City movie to a jewelry auction

3. If you're rich you can bump into and shove a pregnant woman, my friend no less, just because you have a Chanel purse

4. If you're rich and free hors d'oeuvres are served at a function you should make sure and take about 5-6 per tray, as you might starve waiting for the 8 hour auction to end

5. If you're rich you can talk really loudly into your phone so everyone around can hear what you're saying, and you can say some disgusting things like "Well its your fault for marrying into that race! You shouldn't be surprised...."

6. If you're rich you can have so much work done on your body; bad-ass extensions, collagen lips, breast implants, fake dark brown skin, that you don't have to suffer your real looks...and because you're rich no one will tell you how fake and bad you look!

7. If you're rich you can go to an auction at a che che hotel wearing flip flops and low rise jeans, or a mis-matched outfit that no self-respecting person would ever be caught wearing, and have frizzy, out of control hair, because when you're rich, who the hell cares what you look like, you're going to spend 100s of 1000s of dollars at an event, people are lucky you even left the house!

8. If you're rich make sure to bring a tightly clad, over jeweled. much younger woman with you to an auction. You'll be able to buy her many new jewels to cover any horribly exposed flesh she may have. Also make sure to keep bidding on an item as the cost goes higher and higher, its only worth it if you spend 100s of 1000s of dollars